This Just In: Last night, the Obama Administration announced it will bring back the military draft — and include women. Eight Cabinet secretaries have resigned in protest over domestic budget cuts and planned government reorganization.
Here are the details:
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced at a late afternoon presser that the Obama Administration is planning some “aggressive” national defense measures that will include:
…bringing back the military draft for all Americans between the ages of 18 and 25 requesting Congress to update the Selective Service law to include women increasing the DoD FY 2014 budget allocation from the original $526.6 billion to $750 billion
“Bringing back the draft and increasing the Department of Defense budget,” said Carney, “are in response to the recent aggressive actions of Russian President Vladimir Putin and his annexation of Crimea. Russian expansion is a direct threat to the interests of the United States and our NATO allies in Europe. Our current force levels are not adequate to meet the threat.”
The administration’s goals are to increase force levels of the each of the three services. A DoD spokesman told reporters that service chiefs in the Pentagon are currently reworking their personnel and overall program requirements in light of this stunning development.
The imminent inclusion of women into the draft brought a tepid reaction from some women’s advocacy groups.
Terry O’Neill, President of the National Organization for Women said in a telephone interview, “I share the president’s vision of full equality and justice for all women and girls, but subjecting our daughters to the draft wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. We’re rethinking our political support for President Obama.”
Reporters at the briefing also voiced some skepticism about upping the Pentagon’s share of an already deficit-laden budget. The press secretary’s response:
Come on, guys, read the Constitution. The role of the federal government is basically national defense. We’ve had our eye off the ball these past five and a half years. The President believes that every dollar spent on the military is in direct support of his constitutional mandate. We’re out of money and we have to make the choices our founding fathers meant us to make.
Will domestic programs be cut? “Certainly,” said Carney. The difficult process has already begun. The President has directed the cabinet secretaries who oversee all domestic programs to submit recommendations for program cuts in the amount of at least $300 billion. We’ll use the extra $50 billion to help pay down the debt.”
In the wake of the White House announcement, eight cabinet members — Interior, Agriculture, Commerce, Labor, Health & Human Services, Housing & Development, Education, Transportation — all resigned in protest.
“The President has no plans to replace those cabinet heads,” said Carney. “He also intends to submit a detailed Executive Department reorganization plan, with the goal of consolidating most federal domestic programs under one cabinet-level leader. In fact, our plans are to return most domestic programs to our individual states.”
A final word…
By now you’ve caught on to our April Fools’ Day contribution. We thought you’d both chuckle over the satire, but heave a sigh of frustration over how our federal government is overspending, while at the same time neglecting its main responsibilities: our national defense.
That ex-KGB thug, Vladimir Putin, has taken the measure of our country’s current resolve and military determination. He undoubtedly is not very much concerned over our Secretary of State’s threats to get really, really angry if the Russians go any further.
At *your* service,